It’s a little strange to finish work on a Friday and then find myself in a coffeeshop in Amsterdam five hours later! Despite visiting Amsterdam a few times for work, I’ve never had the pleasure of seeing this iconic city as a tourist. My first impressions are positive: It reminds me of Bruges and it brims with history, even though nothing actually looks very old.

My first Amsterdam joint hits me like a ten tonne hammer; it’s insanely strong and leaves me completely conscious that I’m absolutely wasted! It’s fun to wander around the beautiful canals at night and although it’s probably a good idea that I left my camera at the hotel, I am slightly curious about what photos I might have taken in such a state!

11 July 2009 – Day 2 – Amsterdam

Amsterdam is tiny. Fewer than 800,000 people live here and the whole city is within walking distance. So I stuff my face with stroopwafels (munchies!) and head straight to the red light district. At this time of the morning, it’s pretty empty and most windows have the curtains closed; no doubt the ladies are getting their beauty sleep. That being said, I do find one street with the doors clearly open. With cigarettes in hand, these middle-aged prostitutes hardly look in the mood for work. Some look bored, some look depressed and they all look like they’ve just run a marathon… it’s not the Amsterdam I was expecting.

I move on quickly and meander my way south, through the Dam Square with the relatively impressive Koninkliljk Paleis, and past the flower market on the southern edge of the city centre. It’s picturesque but I still can’t get over how small the city is. If you take away the bars and coffeeshops, there really doesn’t seem to be much else to do. That being said, the Heineken brewery is a worthwhile visit and when the sun really starts to shine, the area around the Rijksmuseum is beautiful. Slightly further east, on Albert Cuypstraat, there’s a great little market which sells everything from fake designer products to household furniture. I’m not even surprised to see some chocolate penises for sale (this is Amsterdam, after all) but I am a little taken aback at the sight of chocolate vaginas…!

In the evening it’s back to the red light district: It’s heaving now, with bright lights and enormous groups of rowdy and horny stag dos. There must be 20 guys for every female tourist and I’m surprised that the guide book can say it’s not seedy. Watching filthy old men staring at these girls, some of whom are very young, and then march in like it’s a Starbucks is really weird.

After a few beers it’s time for another coffeeshop. Half an hour of smoking and a space cake later, I remember why I don’t normally take weed; I’m knackered and all I want is my hotel bed!

12-13 July 2009 – Days 3-4 – Amsterdam

It’s chucking it down so I head straight for the Anne Frank museum. Having read her diary, it’s daunting to creep around her house, knowing the events that unfolded 65 years ago. Just like when I visited Auschwitz, it’s a powerful reminder and really hits home.

Like turning off a shower tap, the rain just stops and the clouds clear making it another beautiful sunny day. It means it’s worth visiting the large Vondelpark in the southwest of the city; it’s truly relaxing as live bands play music, cyclists whizz by and the locals stroll around the park’s lakes. Furthermore, the surrounding canals are much more quiet than in the city centre and it finally feels like I’ve found the Netherlands. The “I amsterdam” sign is absolutely enormous and definitely worth the long search to find it. I’m not in the mood for more museums as the weather is still glorious, so the rest of the day is spent walking around and stopping occasionally for beers and a tan.

After an average evening meal (I really could have done with a local to point out the decent restaurants – where the hell are they!?), I avoid the coffeeshops and finally take some night photography. By Monday morning I feel I’ve ‘done’ Amsterdam and bearing in mind how much walking I’ve done, I feel like I’m one of the only blokes in the world to have gone to this capital city and had a healthy weekend!

The weather is chucking the plane around like a rag doll and it isn’t too long before the woman in the seat behind me starts throwing up. I hear another stewardess’ voice trying to console her: “Would you like another bag?”

A few minutes later and the same voice comes on the loudspeaker. “Due to the turbulent conditions, we will not be serving any hot drinks. We will continue to serve cold drinks… including alcohol.”

I can’t help but grin.